Title : Bad Street Brawler
Publisher : Mattel
Genre : Beat Em Up
Players : 1 / 2 Players
Release Date : 1990
Estimated Value (as of today's date) : $4-$5
It seems like only yesterday I was playing BAD DUDES, another well known Beat em Up. Sure enough it was practically yesterday, and lo and behold I am facing another Beat Em Up. This one I had never heard of until recently, and after looking at the publisher and the title....well.....I can't necessarily say I was looking forward to it.
When I see MATTEL, I don't think of video games. Especially brawlers. But they certainly made the box art look pretty epic. And look at that log line. THUG THRASHING DEFENDER OF FREEDOM! Oh boy, how can I resist?
I wish I did, damn you. I wish I did.
Even the start screen makes me shudder. I don't know what the hell I'm looking at. Looks like a blonde, scrawny, terminator. He doesn't seem like the type of guy who would be a brawler. In fact, he looks like someone that gotten beaten up after school on a consistent basis. I'm talking from personal experience!
So you can choose between 1 and 2 players, but for this I'm sticking with 1. As the game starts, you're greeted with another weird message as soon as you hit stage one. "Never Trouble Trouble until Trouble Troubles You." Um, okay. Sure. Whatever you say. That makes absolutely no sense, but I got it.
Anyway, let's start playing..........at this point, you'll notice real tears streaming down my face.
Level 1 brings me face to face with giant bulldogs and midgets throwing ball and chains. My player can only go left and right (and jump by pressing up...I HATE THAT). I have two attacks that are absolute garbage and the absurd purple background is driving me insane. I wish I could stop, but I can't! I'm doing this for your benefit, folks!
The hit detection is garbage, the enemies do things that I have no idea what they are. The midgets with the ball and chain actually use it as a helicopter and fly around the stage. Then you fight mini bosses which include some hippy with a machete, and a gorilla. Yes, a gorilla. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS GAME. It's like a psychedelic drug trip.
At the top of the screen is a bunch of skyscrapers. The more you progress in a level, the more skyscrapers light up until you hit the last one which means you're at the end of the level. BOSS TIME. Bosses make even less sense than the normal enemies. Once again, I'm clueless as to what's going on.
That's it. I've had enough.......seriously, this game is one of the worst I've played so far. The only reason why I want to keep playing is so I keep reading this weird phrases in between stages that are just as dumbfounding as the rest of the game. Just take a look at this. What in God's name are they talking about!?
Save yourself from this game. Avoid it at all costs. Unless you're looking for a good laugh. But I'm not sure you're going to get that either. Bad controls. Horrible sound effects, and even worse visuals. It's an absolute mess.
Mattel, do yourself a favor and don't make beat em ups anymore. Stick with Barbie.
Final Score (out of 5) :
Until next time. Keep on gaming!
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