Friday, January 30, 2015

Nerdicus SNES Review #57: Chester Cheetah: Too Cool to Fool

Title : Chester Cheetah: Too Cool to Fool

Publisher : System Vision

Developer : Kaneko

Genre : Action Platformer

Players : 1

Release Date : 1992

Estimated Value (as of today's date) : $5 - $10

Probably the greatest thing on television nowadays are the Cheetos commercials. Chester Cheetah, is by far one of the best mascots to ever be put on a bag of chips. Then again, I think he's the only mascot to be used for chips, isn't he? Were there others? Who knows. Seriously though who can resist a bad ass cheetah who has an attitude problem and is quite possibly one of the most sarcastic arses ever.

Hell, he was everywhere. I'm talking T-shirts, hats, playing cards, toys. You name it. This cat was all about sucking in that pre-teen kid and getting them to buy product. Most of the time it worked.

I really hope Cheetos starts doing Super Bowl commercials. Speaking of which, Happy Super Bowl Weekend....hope the Pat's get destroyed. OH, hope I didn't lose any fans there lol.

And I don't know about you people, but Cheetos are probably one of the best "chips" out there. Okay, besides kettle salt n vinegar potato chips, those are the best. But, can you even call Cheetos, chips? What do you call chips that aren't potato chips? 

Oh, and looking for the best invention ever. Came up with this in high school. Buy a bean burrito from taco bell, and shove some Cheetos in it. Puts their Doritos tacos to shame.

Back to the game, and there really isn't much to it. What sort of game do you come up with when using a generic mascot? Why, a platformer of course. HERE WE GO AGAIN....only released in America, because we are the only suckers who would respect a good cheetos video game.

As is Chester Cheetah way, is one-person play......whaaaaa!? I didn't make that up, go read the instruction booklet. He speaks gibberish. So what exactly can a game be about that starts the mascot of a cheese doodle? You got me! This game makes absolutely NO sense. I seriously think these developers produced this game while smoking weed and pigging out on cheetos during a manic stage of the munchies. They were probably supposed to design something completely different, but their cravings got the better of them.

There is a basic premise hidden in the games mismatched level design and bizarre enemy creation. Some villain by the name of Mean Eugene (ok....) has stolen your motorcycle and basically took it apart, because he's mean. So, Chester needs to go around collecting motorcycle parts so he can rebuild it. Sounds like a blast.

Forget the story. You don't play a Chester Cheetah game for story. You play it for some blinding speedy platforming awesomeness! Right? RIGHT!? Aren't cheetahs supposed to be face? Yeah, not this Cheetah.

You'll be strolling along each of the drug-tripping levels hopping one enemies heads to stun them, while occasionally jamming out on your electric guitar for some reason. Sure, you can go faster, but you'll need to find a pair of sneakers in order to run. I absolutely DESPISE games that require you to get power ups so you can move faster. Just throw in an option to hold down "b" and that let's you run. It's a damn given in video game history.

Let's talk a little bit about the enemies in this game. Enemies that you don't even have to defeat, even some bosses. Want to ignore every enemy in the game? Go ahead! Just walk right past them! Other than some of them that are literally blocking your path, you can just avoid everything. Not really fun when you're playing a game that enemies are just road blocks you can get around. Honestly, you don't even want to bother with enemies anyway, bc if you accidentally get hit Chester goes into some weird spastic rage. Just find the guitar power up, and blast all the enemies away if your so inclined....I for one just tried to beat the game by running past everything.

But then I got bored. And stopped.

Visuals are a hit and a miss for this game. I don't quite understand what sort of environments they were trying to create, which goes back to the point I was trying to make that they were obviously stoned when they made this game. Enemies make absolutely no sense, and I don't even know where Chester is supposed to be travelling through half the time. I'm in the city one stage, then in Africa the next. Who knows. At least it looks pretty. The colors duke, the colors!

Music is unfortunately undeniably bad. A weird mix of jazzy upbeat (can that even be a thing) video game basic tracks. I don't know it's like they whipped out some of the tracks from other platformers and remixed them. Just didn't fit, and the fact that it loops practically over and over and over again is enough to drive anyone insane.

Ultimately, unless you're a huge fan of Cheetos, are just looking to pad your collection, this isn't a game you want to purchase. It's slow, it's boring, it's repetitive, and it doesn't have that Chester Cheetah vibe we've all grown to love.

Anyone try that Cheetos four pack with the four different flavors like jalapeno and spicy cheetos. Mmmm..damn good. Gonna buy a bag for lunch. THANKS, CHESTER!

FINAL SCORE (out of 5)

 Until Next Time, Keep on Gaming



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