Title : Ballz
Publisher : Accolade
Genre : Fighting
Players : 1 / 2 Player
Release Date : 1994
Estimated Value (as of today's date) : $10-$12
If you're wandering around a video game story, and you happen to come across a game called BALLZ, what the heck goes through your head? I mean, do you really want to buy a game called BallZ. Oh, I'm sorry. Ballz 3D! You know, when that 3D imaging gimmick came out back in the 16-bit console era. Those games that claimed they were 3D, but they weren't'.
So here you have BALLZ, which is a fighting game with BALLZ based characters. So far I'm not sold. But with a slogan like "To be a champion, you've gotta have balls", which is basically a play on words considering the name of the game, maybe this game does have something going for it.
Okay, okay. I'm lying. This game is the biggest load of balls I've played in awhile. I'd honestly rather be kicked in the balls than play this game again after doing this review. Heck, my balls hurts just writing this.
*sighs* Balls...come on, seriously?
I've been trying to think about what this game reminds me. The ballz characters bring something Windows 95'esque to my mind, but I just can't put my finger on it. It must be the weird ballsy character design, but who knows. All I know, is that this is ball-tastic.
So here we have a bunch of balls, put together to make a group of bizarre fighters. You've got sumo wrestlers with big balls, ballerinas with little balls, and cavemen with medium size balls. All sorts of balls to make ball warriors. Honestly, the character roster and how hilarious some of these guys are, is the only thing this game has going for it at this point.
At least their move set is varied....that is if you can figure out how to pull off some of their moves.
I am shaking my head so much just looking at this. You've got the one player mode and the versus mode. I played through the one player mode just so I could get a look at some of the bosses, but they were designed just as poorly.
This is where I took a step back, and looked at this game from another perspective. Maybe it was all just one big joke. I mean it has to be with a title like Balls, and all the metaphors. Even looking at some of the one-liners in the game, such s SUCK SIDEWALK and AROOOGA. The game doesn't have a serious bone in its body.
You fight a bunch of balls that look like an ostrich. And the ballerina spanks you. I'm not even joking. I wish i was.
Okay, enough with the Ballz jokes. This game is just a heaping pile of...ballz..
Final Score (out of 5) :
Until next time, keep on gaming!