Monday, July 21, 2014

Nerdicus Genesis Review #25 : Beast Wrestler

Title : Beast Wrestler

Publisher : Renovation Products

Genre : Fighting

Players : 1 / 2 Players

Release Date : 1991

Estimated Value (as of today's date) : $2-$5

I don't know guys and gals. I'm not sure if I'm mentally prepared to play this game. First of all, I'm outright against cage fighting with animals....oh wait, what's that? Sorry, this game has BEASTS. Okay, so you've got a bunch of various beasts that are basically pulled out of a DnD Monster Book and they are thrown into a futuristic wrestling ring. I guess that could work?

Beasts....wrestling....Beast Wrestler...I see where they're going with this. Maybe it'll be like King of Monsters, or a somewhat better version of Primal Rage? You know, that might not be so bad. But then I look at the box...

What the hell is he holding? Did he just rip out that monsters spine? Are you kidding me? Perhaps this is going to be pretty damn hardcore. Imagine pulling off moves like that in the game? My excitement is bubbling. Maybe this is going to be like Mortal Kombat, with some epic fatalities? OooOOo...can this be...the greatest fighting game ever made!?

Everything I've written up to this point....just ignore. You want to know the truth about this game. Here's the truth. This goes down as one of the worst..if not THE worst game in the Sega Genesis library. it's a damn shame, since I'm a huge fan of fantasy monsters, but this....this game does no justice for fighting or fantasy genres.

In the style of coliseum / arena styled battles a la Gladiator...are you not entertained? I'm not.

It's the year 2020...and apparently, 6 years from now all these monsters are going to appear, and we're going to be using them in arena battles and betting money on them. Screw boxing, and the UFC. We've got dragons fighting now. And it's up to YOU to train the best monster their is and become champion of the Beast Wrestler arena!

Sheesh, each line I write on this review feels like I'm making this up..but I'm not. On the start up screen, you may actually get a bit excited. I mean that image of those two dragons are pretty damn cool, but then you finally get to the character selection.....and the disapointment begins. The monsters are so poorly designed, and look like someone just copied and pasted images off the internet and plopped them into the game with 1 or 2 animations. I'm not even joking. Each monster barely moves around. It's like they're just clicked and dragged around the arena. Don't believe me? Look for videos of it online. It's horrendous.

So, pick a monster..any one. It doesn't matter. They're all garbage, and their attacks are all the same. A slime punch and a giant dragon punch is the same damn thing..just a different frame of animation...a single...frame...of animation. UGH, can I stop now? I can't.

Seriously, the only thing that's entertaining me about the game right now is your selection of monsters. And even that is a pretty weak selection considering their all so damn bizarre. Giant squid heads? Robots? Flying a holes?

Once you select your monster, you'll be thrown into an isometric ring with invisible walls to face your opponent. Now, have fun controlling your monsters in this arena, because it's downright impossible. You'll never be able to tell when you're about to connect a hit with your opponent, and you can barely move around as it is. You'll spend a majority of the battle just bouncing off the invisible arena walls trying to land a shot.

Speaking of attacks. You've got a whopping two. A fist attack, and a tail attack..if you monster has a's basically a punch or a kick. So run around in slow mo...and spam on the A button trying to land an attack. Go ahead, try. I guarantee you won't be able to.

If you do manage to hit the opponent, your basic attack will sometimes turn into something special like a suplex if you manage to be standing in the right spot at the right time. I would just ask your opponent to stand still while you try to hit them. That should work.

The audio in this game is just as horrible as the rest of it. It sounds like it's coming off early 90's PC games, and everything sounds can I put That's what I hear...just say that out loud and that's the sound effect of a punch, or a tackle, or bouncing off the ring. BLORP. With the nice bleeps and bloops of old fashioned PC gaming music in the background.

I'm actually pretty disappointed that this game is so horrible. It really seemed like something I might have enjoyed if it was designed more like King of Monsters was (love that game...) But this game just felt like a half-assed attempt of making a different type of fighting game. Pacing around this giant isometric arena is a chore, and the fun factor is so limited in this game, your desire to turn it off comes in about 5 seconds of starting it.

Avoid it like the plague...but force your friends to play it for a whopping good time. Oh, and choose the slime. He's the best character...because I say so.

Final Score (out of 5) :

Until next time, keep on gaming!



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