Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Nerdicus NES Review #128: Chubby Cherub

Title : Chubby Cherub

Publisher : Bandai

Developer : TOSE

Genre : Action

Players : 1 Player

Release Date : 1986

Estimated Value (as of today's date) : $35-$40

If you're ever in the mood to play as a naked baby with wings chucking hearts at dogs and sucking on lollipops, well, CHUBBY CHERUB is the game for you. Just look at how happy that kid is. With his fluffy, blonde, flowing locks and his deformed body. It's such a bad 80's rendition of an anime character, but whatever will let it go.

Apparently, the original Japanese game was based on a ghost character Q-taro from a manga called Obake no Q-taro. Of course, to cater to the American audience, this game was ripped apart and re-titled since we would have had no idea what the heck it was about in the first place. Never did agree with that when they just translate games and remove all originality just to cater to a different audience but I get it. They need to sell the game somehow.
As Chubby Cherub, you're tasked with rescuing your 12 kidnapped friends across 12 different levels. So how bout we all get naked like a cherub, and sprout some wings. And don't forget your hamburger

This is gonna be a doozy.

Chubby Cherub scares the crap out of me. I had to say it. That little flying naked baby is the scariest thing on the NES. Don't believe me? Play the game and watch him start eating food with his giant mouth. His mouth...is HUGE!!!! Look at it...just LOOK AT IT!

Why is it like that!? It's not a cherub, it's a damn demon! Okay, I'm sorry, back to the game. You'll spend most of your time flying around the stage trying to get from point A to point B, all the while avoiding enemies and collecting food to maintain your flight meter. Your flight meter is at the top of your screen, which as expected is drained the longer you fly around. Of course, if you don't fly you can still walk around, but you're more susceptible to enemy attacks. 

You'll be able to recover your flight meter by eating certain types of food. Some food grants you the ability to fire things out of your gaping maw which you'll use to kill the vicious dogs and pigeons that attack you. Such violent enemies in a chubby cherub game.

The beagles and bulldogs are your primary concerns in terms of enemies. Their bark is vicious and is capable of bursting your eardrums and causing your brain to explode. I'm serious. The chubby cherubs head will explode. No, it doesn't but that would be a lot cooler.

You've also got cats in this game. Dogs and cats...*sighs* you can't even kill the cats, you just have to deal with them. OH, yeah the birds. The birds that look like Pidgey from Pokemon. They just get in your way all the time. That's about it. Flying around dodging barks, meows, and bird poop.

Let's go over the game one last time shall we, and grant judgement upon its chubby cherub cheeks.

Graphics? Disgusting. Okay, maybe not disgusting, but that chubby cherub is frightening.

Gameplay? Boring. And downright irritating. Why do I have to deal with dogs, cats and birds? How is that fun? Why can't I shoot arrows at them instead of hearts? I'm a cherub aren't I? Levels are boring, and drag. The challenge is there, but only because the controls are absolute garbage and it's a pain in the arse to stay in the air.

Music and sound? So many bleeps and bloops I don't even know how I dealt with it while playing this game?

I can safely say, I'm not surprised that this game is considered to be one of the worst on the NES. It's as if someone scooped out the stains from around a toilet bowl and shoved it into a plastic NES cart and said "Here, play me."

Go away you chubby cherub devil. You freak me out.

Final Score (out of 5) :

Until next time. Keep on gaming!



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