Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Nerdicus NES Review #178: Dirty Harry

Title : Dirty Harry

Publisher : Mindscape

Developer : Gray Matter, Inc.

Genre : Action

Players : 1 Player

Release Date : 1990

Estimated Value (as of today's date) : $5 - $7

Uh, uh. I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots, or only five?" Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement, I kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and would blow your head clean off, you've gotta ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?

Come on, I had to start off this review with that.

Yup. Dirty Harry. I thought this was a joke when I was going through my list of NES games that I have left to review. Only something like 650+ more to go, ha...yeah, well at least I have the next few years planned out, right? Some games, I just truly don't understand as to why they were even made into games in the first place. Sure, Dirty Harry is a freaking incredible movie, but as a game. I just don't know.

How you can epitomize Clint Eastwood in an 8-bit sprite!? Well, we do know this game should have it all. Violence, Drugs, and total bad-assery. Let's just see how well it portrays the master.

Well, it's official. This game ranks top notch for one of the most realistic renditions of a movie star in 8-bit history. That IS Clint Eastwood! Just look at that! They should have just stopped the game there, because it's all downhill from here.

I'm really trying to figure out where to start with this cluster of a game. I mean, I really don't know what they were trying to accomplish. You've seen the movie right? Okay, well this isn't the movie, but it's like a spin off of the franchise. You play as Harry Callahan off to stop the drug lord Anaconda. Just leave it as that, but you know you're not only fighting druggies in this game. You've gotta deal with snakes in run down apartments, and also work on kicking giant dock workers in the nards. Because that's what Dirty Harry does. How he does it, I have no idea, because playing this game is the equivalent of getting your blood drawn for 8 hours straight by a nurse that has no idea how to locate a vein.

That bad.

And seriously, where are all the NORMAL people in this city. Is it really overrun by coked up citizens?!

Ha, I bet you thought I was joking! Nope, that is Harry kicking a giant dock worker in the nards. See, I don't lie. The entire game consists of moving from screen to screen, killing enemies over and over and over again. Now, that's not a bad thing because most NES games are exactly the same. It's just the way Dirty Harry accomplishes this.

There's basic side-scrolling levels, then there's sides-scrolling that takes up only half the screen when you're inside buildings. These buildings turn into mazes where you can barely figure out where you're supposed to be going, especially since every room looks like the same. Except for the snakes. Sorry, I can't get over the snakes. It must be the Anaconda reference. Just call wildlife control. Seriously. Let Dirty Harry go back to fighting crime, not rounding up snakes.

Snakes must have been easy to code or something.

The only thing I do like about this game are the visuals. Graphically it's actually pretty good, with some decent level designs (although repetitive) and animations. Sure it get's tiresome, but it's the only thing the game has going for it.

Controls. Oh my, the controls. You know long it took me to figure out how to jump? I learned by accident that hitting both A and B at the same time. But here's the problem, A is also shooting your gun and B is punching. So if you screw up your jump you can end up just punching or shooting in the air (wasting your limited bullets), and also landing on top of the vicious snakes. THAT DO EXIST! SEE THE PICTURE! THIS GAME HAS SNAKES! Hit detection is also an absolute joke. Don't tell me that bullet going through the bad guys head didn't kill him. Give me a break.

Difficulty? HA!!! I can't wait to record a video of me playing this. You know my LETS SUCK videos? Well, I don't even think I'll be able to get past the first screen in this. Seriously, this game throws everything it can at you and doesn't give up. Face it, it's hopeless.

Do yourself a favor. Rent the movies, avoid the games. Or better yet, rent the game, get to the awesome title screen, then turn it off. Then you'll be happy.

Final Score (out of 5) :

Until Next Time, Keep On Gaming!



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